Hi, umm I honestly have no idea how to start this out but im surrounded by hate of who I am. My church hates lgbtq+ people and as i was talking to one of the people who dont really know me i almost let it slip ,my boyfriends trans (ftm). It was terrifying, But i guess the main point of this message is I want to be comfortable in my body and with who i am with out having to hide it. I was born as a female but identify with non-binary. I've always hated my chest and how girly I had to be for the longest time. I more recently got my hair cut short and I've felt better but im still not me i guess....I can't be open with who I am other then online and with my very close friends. I half to hide away from my grandmother in case my words slip and i let it out i am not cis. My nana knows but shes not sportive. She says I half to be a boy or a girl.....its annoying. Ive begged her to get me a binder but she just said id never be a guy, I don't have the body for it......Im contemplating to kill myself, and ive tried but failed when i was younger....Ive gotten stronger, not let the hate get to me as much but its still bad, sometimes to the point i dont leave my room for hours, i spend most of my time online with the people I trust with the people that care for me but sometimes thats not even enough. I guess what im trying to say is im lost,,,,i have no were to go. I'm only 13. My boyfriends and Canada and all my other family hates me and probably would leave me on the streets...I just need help right now. To be comfortable in my body. To be happy and at peace with who i am in this rough time, even if its just a little bit more then im at right now id take it in a heart beat. Thank you so much for reading.