Hi, my name is Jenna and I’m 20 years old. I’ve been out for about 3 years now, but it wasn’t easy being honest with myself and everyone else around me.
Here’s my story. Back in my sophomore year of high school 2013 I met my first girlfriend, Jaqelynn, she was my next door neighbor. We instantly became friends, with her being a year older than me, and us living so close we hung out all the time. I had an on again off again boyfriend at the time that I was actually very confused with, because I hadn’t done anything with him.
I just felt grossed out thinking about kissing him or even being around him. I often caught feelings for girls around school but thought nothing of it because maybe ‘I just wanted to be her, or look like her…’ but no. I wanted to be WITH them as I know now. Anyways, Jaqelynn and I just kept getting closer and closer until finally she confessed to me on Tumblr that she had feelings for me and was bi-curious.
I also was bi-curious so I finally followed my heart, broke up with my boyfriend, and we got together. But we kept it secret for a few months, her parents were very religious and I was honestly just too scared to tell mine, I thought it would break their hearts. After months of what seemed like a perfect secret relationship, I felt as if my whole life had crumbled.
My mom found out about me and Jaqelynn through my Facebook account. My parents were angry, threatening Jaqelynn with restraining orders since I was only 16 at the time, blaming her for turning me gay and actually put me into therapy. Her parents shipped her away to her uncle’s house hours away from me and she had to attend bible study.
We were torn apart. But we fought for each other. We found ways to talk to one another, through social media, email, other people’s phones, texting apps… anything that we could just be with each other in one way or another. Every time we got caught, we just got pulled farther away it felt like by our parents.
Eventually Jaqelynn and I gave up. We didn’t talk for months and when I finally built up the nerves to reconnect with the love of my life… she had a boyfriend. I felt crushed. I was finally proud to be gay and show my true self. I felt as if I had finally come to terms with who I was with the girl I wanted to spend forever with and she didn’t feel the same way. Like I was some sort of experiment to her, that I meant nothing.
My heart hurt. Our parents had finally let us talk as friends, but not see each other in person. So we constantly fought on the phone. It was scary how much we fought, months ago we were sending each other ‘I love you’s’ to now sending ‘fuck you’s’. Eventually Jaqelynn realized who she was and we got back together.
My heart felt whole again. We were back together secretly of course since our parents said we could only be friends. You’d think we would learn but the first time… but NOPE. She snuck over almost every day, we talked all the time just like before. THEN our lives ended again. Jaqelynn’s mom caught her sneaking over to my house and it was like a rerun of the first time we got caught in the first place. At this time I had graduated and had a car, so we packed up my car with whatever we could and we left together. We ran off to LA living out of my car for 3 days.
Our families were PISSED but more worried not hearing from us for day’s straight. Our parents agreed to letting us see each other officially in person and be together if we came home. We both did and we finally got our chance to be together. It was amazing while it lasted, but now… people grow apart. If you asked her, I broke her heart… but if you ask me, she broke mine. We are no longer together. We don’t even really talk anymore. But it is okay.
I thank Jaqelynn because she helped me realize who I am. I was hiding and she pushed me to follow my heart and be myself. I am so proud to be gay and I am so proud to help Jaqelynn also realize who she is. She will always have a special place in my heart. BUT ANYONE WHO IS READING THIS if you have not come out yet to your family, please do it the right way.
I know it might be hard, trust me I know. But hiding it from the most important people in your life is not right. You need to first come to realization within yourself then tell the people you love, when you’re ready of course. Just don’t hold it in like I did. I came out completely wrong. And if I could do it over again, I would. Also, don’t be afraid to be who you are.
You are amazing, don’t hide it. Show your colors, be happy. Coming out, is the BEST thing that has happened to me, because now I am being my full and complete self, happy, and PROUD. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. So just be yourself :)